Sailing gadgets, be it hardware electronics or sailing apps, are among the most attractive gifts for sailboat owners. Especially during off-season browsing the online-shops or app-stores is a popular time killer. Here´s another very ingenious gewgaw which is not only totally useful, but it indeed can save you so much time, the hardship of sailing and your marriage!
It was a nice summer´s afternoon a few years ago when ardent sailor and passionate blue water dreamer Daniel Ontarra slammed the door in rage, fuming with anger and dashed down the wooden ladder into his hobby room in the basement of his house. Another dispute with his wife. He couldn´t count how many there were since he had laid open his heart, trying to persuade her from selling everything and go out. Sail around the world. Fulfill their dreams (well, his at least) and let everything behind. He was fed up.
A few hours (and probably beers) later, a sketch, drawn up for the tenth time, at last materialized an idea he was anyway playing around for quite some while: What if he could indeed go out sailing, travel to all the places he wanted to visit so desperately? What if he could very well combine family life at home, earning money in his job with sailing to Cape Hoorn, the Fidji Islands or the Northwest-Passage? What if this all would be so easy and effortless, that even the strictest wife, the tightest budget and the highest number of kids wouldn´t stand in his way? Well, there he was – finally forming an idea into a serious product that could revolutionize the sailing world.
Developing a yet another sailing-gadget
He didn´t had a name for the system, yet, but after weeks and weeks of concentrated efforts and testing, he was able to draw up the ultimate sailing gadget, a never before seen combination of existing technology with state-of-the-art breakthroughs. The idea is that not you are sailing aboard, but your smartphone. The complete dissolving of the need for physical presence whilst sailing – let it do your phone instead! No hollering at home, no strenuous, boring long haul legs, no night sailing and no stressful watches anymore! You don´t even need to be aboard!
As your smartphone sails around the world, you may connect to the phone´s live feed via the integrated cameras and enjoy a few hours of sailing at will. You choose when you want to sail, when you have time to trim the sails, when it´s okay for your wife or the kids are in bed. It´s time-saving, it´s convenient, it´s completely safe! All you need, according to Daniel, is a smartphone, his app and some extra equipment. But don´t be afraid: Many, many yachts are over-equipped with loads and loads of electronic equipment, wired anyway via the standard NMEA 2000-network. All it needs is a central unit that connects everything: Voilá, that´s what his app is doing.
Essential hardware needed aboard
Of course, the system requires a real sailboat. But size doesn´t matter. What matters is that the boat is set up with electric winches, capable of sheeting in and easing the lines. Those winches would be connected to a central AI-unit, that would trim the sails according to live wind-data and its course: An easy NMEA 2000-setup! Secondly, there´s a bit of re-arranging of the cockpit needed. As for the steering posts, at least one of the two helm-stations will have to be equipped with a clean surface panel. Chart plotters, bow-thruster units and secondary displays are removed, instead, a new panel is installed. He kept it neat and clean, inspired by his iPhone.
This panel contains the heart of the new system: A rigid, waterproof smartphone fixing mount. There are several versions for Apple and most used Android-brands (excluding Huawei of course!). The mount connects the smartphone to electric energy and the system, an app will have to be installed. Daniel thinks of offering tough composite fixing mounts, a lightweight carbon-variant for the performance-sailor and an elaborate chrome-plated version for upper brands. Of course, engine start-up, throttle, autopilot and navigational data must also be connected to the system. So, how does it work?
The new sailing app
There are about a hundred or so seriously dedicated sailing apps available in the stores right now. Ranging from learning apps to pass sailing exams (not needed anymore!) to apps which make navigating the yacht easier (not needed anymore as well!) to fun-apps for virtual sailing – all of which can be substituted now with Daniel Ontorra´s new program. He called it “iDONtsail”, as he told me, the “I” stands for digital, as every digital thingy needs an “i” in front. “DON” are simply the first characters of his name, Daniel Ontorra, and the rest should be self-explanatory. “People will get it”, he said.
The app, once installed, needs to be connected to the AI-unit that is inside the phone-mount. All you have to do next is to let loose your boat´s landlines and off she goes: On the trip of your lifetime, you never will have to make yourself! “It´s perfect!”, he says: “Now, people don´t need to get wet anymore, freeze in gusts or even cook their meals when heeled! Sea-sickness is a thing of the past and you just skip the boring parts – tune in when you´ve reached a destination or whenever it suits you. Or her.” The app will record, so that nothing is lost. There´s even a “guide” mode, that selects destinations for you, based on Google reviews and other recommendations. “Surprise yourself!”, Daniel adds: “It´s so convenient!”
Limitless boundaries: Sailing with total safety
Daniels iDONtsail is for everyone: From the vacational sailing trip over the weekend to the serious exploration of high latitudes. Many shipyards have already expressed their interest to incorporate the system to their options-lists: How many of the so-called blue water sailors are never really leaving the jetty? How many of the hulls you can see when strolling the pontoons are green, overgrown by crustaceans and seaweed? “Now those living room-skippers can really be what they want: Literally sit in their massage chairs I the living room but at the same time sail the Northwest-Passage!”
No matter, if GRP-cruiser, race boat or aluminum go-anywhere yacht: iDONtsail will surely be a gamechanger for sailing. I´ve spoken to several yacht insurance companies (LINK) and they are pleased! Premiums for boats underway with that system will drop significantly: Human errors, MOBs or incompetence is now ruled out. “And the best thing is”, Daniel explains proudly, “my family won´t have to suffer under my hobby anymore!” No heeling, no slamming into waves anymore – instead, everyone will come together in front of the TV-set, switch from Netflix to iDONtsail-TV and jump for joy when arriving at the first iceberg.
It´s safe, it´s so convenient and there are so many opportunities: You can ask your best sailing-friend or neighbor to take over the digital helm when you are off and out on your real vacation. There´s a network of real-world support stations: When docking, those guys will take care of maintenance, refueling and potential repair work. You don´t even have to be there anymore, as long as your credit card is valid and unlocked. “What a bliss!”, Daniel says – realizing that he has solved not just only his own problem, but the problem of so many sailors and wannabes as well.
Why you need this sailing app too
The iDONtsail app is available on the Apple-store and Google Play as well. It has already been downloaded hundreds of times, reviews are starting to come in – according to the ones online, people are not just satisfied, they are exhilarated: “Just like my other hobbies, like kiting, surfing, snowboarding and hiking, I can now easily avoid sailing! – 5 stars!”, writes one. Another says that “sailing has now become as easygoing as race biking: You just need to have your carbon-equipment, the unpleasant rest is done digitally!” Of course, iDONtsail has a competitive mode, where it collects points and thumbs up from others and puts you on a hitlist: The more nautical miles you´ve never sailed, the better. “I love the social media-mode. It´s always such a joy to see where I never was!”, writes another glowing user.
So, are you a candidate for iDONtsail? Relocate the strenuous reality of sailing into the digital world: Place your phone conveniently into the mount and have it sail the trip of your lifetime! The initial success is so overwhelming, that Daniel already thinks of iDONtsail 2.0 – a phone-holder that is gimbaled to cancel out the cursed heeling once and for all is only one of them, an all-weather proof heavy weather Goretex phone pouch is another, possibly in collaboration with a market leader in this area, like Gill. You don´t want to miss any news on this system? Subscribe to the newsletter:
Of course, this is just an April´s Fools joke. But as with every other article I´ve published since starting this sailing magazine, it contains a grain of truth, albeit in this case, it´s a bit nihilistic. I sincerely hope that iDONtsail will never become reality, but I fear, stuff like this is in the making – much more I fear that there will be people happily paying money for this.
Have a fun April the first, dear readers, the next article will take place in the real world of sailing again. Promised!
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